and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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