Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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