So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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