So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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