His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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