so explain again why im purple
no
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
