i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
