Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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