and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize