The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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