I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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