I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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