walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
