yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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