I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
