bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
