North Korea, Best Korea!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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