Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
