Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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