am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
