There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
