You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
