I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
