Sry I called you an 8
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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