Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
