well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
