That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
