my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
