The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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