anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
