We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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