I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
