So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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