then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
