Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize