so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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