Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What a dumb baby whore.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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