he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
