Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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