so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
