I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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