Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
