I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
