I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
