Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i came on her dog
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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