I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
