You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
