That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
