There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
