I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
