Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
