I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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