No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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