I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
