Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my being single is dangerous.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
