i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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