have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
