the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
