Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
