to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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