Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
