If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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