We won't sleep together?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
