Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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