I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
