My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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