i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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