you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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