ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
