Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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