Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
