fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Enjoy the penises
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
