I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize