Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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