one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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