my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
