Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
