I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
