Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
