How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
