There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
