Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
