Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
