halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize