marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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