She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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