Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
