it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
