Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
