I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
