Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
