I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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