like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
