she is the kim kardashian of front butts
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
