Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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