So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
