guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
