I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
