this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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